Picking Up The Pieces

There comes that time in life when you can finally look back and see things clearly.  There is a chance to laugh again, and a chance to finally look and reevaluate your dreams that you held so dear. The ones that you forgot because you got so terribly sucked into the worst kind of existence that you could possibly imagine for yourself. The dreams that got washed away almost as though a huge wave came crashing down and just like that, swept them all away.  One day you are standing there, and the magnitude of reality of what you emerged from is almost surreal.

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The laughter had but all gone. Hearing your own laughter was once something you heard daily, and then for sometime it was gone. For a long time actually. And you thought about that. You thought about how you hadn’t heard that laughter anymore. You worried and wondered if you ever would. At some point you really believed that it was simply never coming back. This was it now. This is how it was always going to be. But then something does change and you do laugh again. woman_happy

And you begin to pick up the pieces and to restructure your original plan. You lost sight of that plan in the midst of the epic battle you managed to emerge from. But you emerge stronger and far calmer than you ever thought you could be. Because you are brave and bold. You start to love yourself again. Because that is where it all begins. With self love. Everything else begins to fall into place. Healing begins with self. Nothing much on the outside is going to fix you if you don’t start internally. Patience is needed. Lots of it. quotes-mood-boosting-jesse-dylan-600x411

Laughter has been known to heal. That is simply one of life’s natural joys and medicines.

Forgiveness

I have not written for a while, and at times I feel so guilty for not doing so.  I am my worst critic, and I know that its important to keep writing for my blog to be in any way meaningful or helpful in any of the areas that I cover. I have even considered removing my blog so as not to make an ass of myself. But my gut feeling urges me to keep going.  What does any of this have to do with forgiveness you might ask?

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When we feel stuck and tied up in the past we struggle to gain control of anything in the present.  It is very hard to put one step in front of the other when you are still struggling with things that are not completed or dealt with in your heart.

Even something as drastic as moving across the world wont solve the pain you might be carrying with you. No matter how hard you try to get a grip, you are still in that dark place. So how do you deal with past issues and set yourself free from the past pains you may have endured? How do you finally forgive and set yourself free?

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The most important thing is to forgive yourself. This is vital. Forgive yourself for the decisions you made. As I have said before – none of us are victims. We are where we are  through choices that we have made. This does not mean that the situation we found ourselves in was gravely unfair and unjust, it just means we made a mistake and we must find a way to move on.  But what if we had a situation where another person behaved so badly towards us that we feel it is unforgivable? How do we forgive!

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Well my take  on forgiveness is quite different to what many are preaching and conveying. I believe that you can not just forgive. That you have to be patient for this feeling to come at the right time.

I found myself in the worst situation a couple of years ago. I trusted a friend with my life and put my life in her hands and she abused that from the very first day I arrived. It was a huge decision to trust her to do the right thing to begin with, and after much assurance and persuasion, I made the bold decision to uproot my life and jump into the unknown. I took a massive leap of faith. That leap of faith cost me so many things. Including my health. My heart nearly packed up on me for good! It was the scariest and most damaging decision that I have ever made. But…..I made that choice. No one is to blame for that! So the forgiveness begins with me.

So what about forgiving the other person?

That does not even matter anymore. Just forgive yourself. Be gentle and kind to yourself and get help. I help people, and I still also need help. We are  all beings of the universe and we are all here together to make it work. Admitting you need to get help is good, it opens doors to recovery and support.

If you are not ready to forgive others for what they have done, then don’t worry about it! Too many books are telling you that you must forgive others to move on. Rubbish. Forgive you first. Set yourself free from the guilt of not forgiving others that have caused you pain.

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Have patience for yourself and for the process. You can not force forgiveness. It cant just happen.

Be gentle and allow things to flow naturally. In time all the wounds of pain will heal. And those who deserve you will be around to enjoy the love you have to share.

 

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